I feel about as important as a speck of dust.
I should be used to this by now. When I turned 21, my amom told me her obligation to me as a parent was over and "we could just be friends".
I get reminded of this fact more and more as I get older. I called my amom today to wish her a happy birthday - despite the fact that my parents forgot my birthday this year. I was really trying to let that go. We chatted about the weather and politics and whatnot. Then my parents couldn't remember what day I was graduating and wanted to know when it was again. They are going to "stop by" to see my graduate, they said, but they have a vacation planned where they are driving up the coast and won't be able to stay at the ceremony very long and they won't be attending the party afterwards. Oh and by the way, my aunt (adoptive) and all my cousins are going on a cruise in the Mediterranean over my graduation so they won't be able to make it. OK.
I wonder what it's like to have a family that genuinely gives a shit.
I have tried, tried, and tried again...and every time I get burned.
I'm through trying...or caring.
Mother and daughter separated by closed adoption, reunited since 2005, working our way out of the fog and into reality.
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- Adoptee Journal
- Adopting My Identity
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8 comments:
Sending you hugz.
This sucks.
Truly sucks.
And it must be hurting like hell.
Thinking of you.
Wish I could fly over for your grad.
Poss. xxxxx
(((Irish)))
I wish I could be there too. If I could afford that plane ticket (and could dump work for a few days) I would definitely be there! I can't believe your afamily...what a bunch of self-serving jerks!!! You deserve so much better than them. Yuck.
Hey...how was Florida, did you go yet??
I agree with Possum, it seriously sucks. Are you graduating from Music School?
My coach studied there too.
You are super cool to have done this, I am very impressed.
(((Poss)))
(((Lillie)))
(((KimKim)))
Thanks so much for your support, guys. I have been in a real funk this week. Actions speak louder than words, for sure, and it is painfully obvious how my mom and dad feel about me...I just have to swallow it and learn to accept reality and decide how I'm going to come to terms with it. If it hadn't been for friends like you guys and my husband, I don't know how I would have gotten through the past few days. It sounds kinda overdramatic, but trust me...for some reason this last little incident has really knocked me to the lowest of the lows. You guys know what I'm talking about. It was a big trigger for all kinds of negative emotions, some of which haven't been entirely rational and caused me to hit the wine bottle big time. BAD girl.
On the positive side, it has helped to remind me what a great guy my husband is, how he has been there for me for 20 years and will always be the one person in my corner when the chips are down. As much as he can be a pain in the ass, I love him more than anything in the world and am so glad I chased after him relentlessly 20 years ago (OK, so he claims he was chasing me too...but I think I was worse).
Lillie - yeah, we got back from Florida on Sunday...it was AWESOME. We got some much-needed family time (and even stole a little alone time with my man, woohoo). If my parents hadn't greeted my return home with not-giving-a-shit, I would probably still be on cloud nine.
KimKim - my guess is your coach went to Berklee (in Boston)? If so, I'm envious...it IS a great school. I go to Berkeley, as in Cal, and am a music major there. Another great school, but Berklee is really amazing. I remember driving past it in Boston and drooling.
"When I turned 21, my amom told me her obligation to me as a parent was over and "we could just be friends"."
This absolutely breaks my heart. Although I don't know you, I'm sending a (((hug))) and hanging my head in a-parent shame.
Thanks thirdmom...
That comment has haunted me for a long time. My amom had parents that were overbearing, and she may have been trying to do me a "favor" by saying that...but I think the other part is that she just didn't want the burden any more. That's what is hard for me to cope with. I go through periods where I keep asking myself what I did wrong. I am slowly starting to realize that it's not all me...it's mostly about her. It wouldn't matter if I was the most perfect kid in the world. She still wouldn't want the burden.
WOW... that is a harsh way to treat your own child... I'm sorry and send you positive thoughts.
Thank you Heather...
xo
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