Brainwashed!

In my never-ending quest to further understand relinquishment and how a woman could be coerced to have someone else raise their child, I started reading "Birthmother Stories" on an open adoption agency's website. This was a particularly moving collection. It was a concentrated blend of brainwashing all on one page. It almost sounds as if all of these women joined a cult.

I chose adoption not to give [my baby] to xxx and xxx, but to give xxx and xxx to [my baby].

I still visit [my baby] once a month and [my boyfriend] and I are still together. We plan on getting married and having children of our own one day.
(WTF???)

I had always made sure that I would not be a woman who would bring an unwanted child into the world, and here I was—pregnant... Now I am not ashamed or embarrassed about the pregnancy that I went through. I am proud of the decision I made. I hear from the family once in awhile. [The adoptive mother] will call out of the blue just to thank me again. It's wonderful. I'm married now and have another child; my life has gone on. I thank God for making me a better person through my trials.

It was very painful for me to watch him go but I knew in my heart it was right. Sonne kept in touch with letters and lots of pictures which helped ease the pain a little. I got to watch him grow and change, although at a distance. That was okay though, because I knew he was getting so much more than I could have given him...I believe that [my child] came through me, not to me. He is where he was meant to be and he is having a wonderful life.

I'll tell you right now...if my mother had tried to tell me some of these things by the time I was an adult, I might have gone postal. I don't want to hear what a great choice you made. I don't want to hear how relinquishing me made you a better person. I don't want to hear how you are only a fucking walking uterus. I don't want to hear how easy it was for you and how I should be grateful to be in a nice suburban home with a swimming pool.

Time to get real, people.

As much as my mother and I "clicked" initially, I don't think our relationship became "real" until she could start to confront her pain and we could discuss how we BOTH felt.

Why aren't women told the truth? Why aren't they given more than one side to a story? Why aren't women who go to adoption agencies in fear and desperation given the flip side? They sure as hell give you the flip side when you go in to get an abortion. Abortion isn't a band aid to get rid of the "problem", they tell you. You will feel pain for your decision and may need some counseling to get through this...you may grieve the loss of your baby...your hormones are going to whack out on you...I was told all of these things when I had an abortion in my twenties. Oh, but wait, excuse me, if agencies tell the REAL truth about how much adoption might suck for you, the agencies might lose money. And there are REAL parents waiting to raise your child. Parents that are better than you could ever be, you minimum-wage-earning-worthless-vessel.

What does it take for the world to start looking more critically at the system, questioning what is really going on instead of just accepting these happy dappy stories at face value???