I finally got home after a week long conference following my visit with the Fuzzy Duck. I hated her leaving. I hated staying. She is so right. I miss her like crazy. It hurts but not the same way. I feel loved. It makes me smile and want to dance. I keep sending her virtual hugs and I think she feels them.
She is also so right about our latest discovery, reaction to the same hurts. We will blog about this. For the first time I opened up about my feelings and how I coped and what I believed about myself. I never could before because it always felt like I would be saying that I was hurt as much as she was so her pain was no more important than mine. I had no right to dump anything on her head because it was my stupid decision to relinquish. Not telling her was the wrong thing to do. It was the best thing for both of us. It suprised me how much of our behaviors were just different reactions to the same rhing, a big hole in our lives. How could she understand what I meant by needing her when she didn't understand how much I missed her for all those years. No wonder reunions are hard. Honesty and openess about feelings is difficult for both. You have to over come all the self-protective strategies developed over the years. It is so worth it.
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