I got home last night late as usual with airport delays after 4 days with my daughter. Mother,s day and graduation were firsts. Our first mother's day together and the first major life event together. That is a lot in four days. I can't write about the card or the gift because I'll start crying all over again. Yes I really am her MOTHER. Most of the time I am even a good mother. At least I try to be and I want to be because my daughter is wonderful. That isn't quite right, I want to be a good mother because I have a daughter that means the world to me. Her husband gave me a great present, a day alone with her. After breakfast he took my grandson and went over to his mother's house for a family celebration and sent us off. It was a perfect day. The Hallmark holiday I have always loathed and it was perfect. I should have had 38 of them by now but I believed the lies. I want to turn Mother's Day into Stop Adoption Day. I'm sure Hallmark could come out with some appropriate cards.It's not that I am not grateful (yes we are also supposed to be grateful for the wonderful people who gave our child the good home THE child deserves). I am grateful that my daughter found me and was stubborn enough to not take no for an answer. I am grateful that I have a husband who supports me and cares for my daughter and grandson. I am grateful for a daughter that dragged me out of the fog and taught me how to be alive again. I am grateful for the support from the adoptees and natural mothers who showed me I wasn't alone in this. And to all the judgmental hypocrites out there who delight in re-allocating children to worthy people who can give THE child what they deserve (swimming pool included) I am grateful that they taught me a lesson. May all of them have the same opportunity.
Graduation was wonderful. I was there with my grandson, son-in-law, his mother and sister. I got to see her in her cap and gown and hear the speeches. I got to go out to dinner with all of them. I got to tell her how proud of her I am. I got to feel so puffed up thinking look what my beautiful, smart talented daughter has accomplished. There will be more this weekend. The small departmental graduation this weekend where she will be given her diploma and recognized as graduating with honors. There will be a performance on Saturday night where the graduating seniors will be signing. She will sing some very funny songs. I won't be there. Her parents will arrive tomorrow. We did the right thing. It hurts.
So mother's day and graduation gave me so much more than I ever thought I would have. I am an ungrateful bitch because it hurts that I didn't get it all.
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Hiya, animals. ;o) I saw Carly Simon the other morning on Ellen, and the song she sang, "Hold Out Your Heart," made me think of you two. The lyrics are here: http://207.36.43.116/music/Lyrics/Hold_Out_Your_Heart.html
And you can listen to a part of the song. I wondered if you'd heard it yet?
Funny. Yesterday, the 15th, I was telling Joy about my personal bias against Hallmark. Though we weren't together for the day, we had very sweet contact. No cards however.
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